I learned something today... I found myself doing something I constantly do. Refusing to ask for help. I tend to insist I can "do it on my own" and won't let anyone help me... even if I know I need help. In this case, it was moving furniture and doing a lot of work, work that can be a bit difficult when you are pregnant and due literally any day. Now I am in serious physical pain, and have no one to blame but myself. Help was offered, I refused it.
I'm realizing I am just this way with my trauma and emotional problems... I am so damn independent and stubborn, I can't let my guard down even to say "hey I'm struggling, I really need some help". I struggle, and I'm depressed, angry and lost. And I am too afraid of being vulnerable or needing someone. See, in the past, those I needed, those I trusted, violated me in the most personal way. So now... I can't stand to be in need or let people past my defenses, even if they only want to help. Eventually, I have to ask for help. Because if I don't.... I'm the one who is going to continue to suffer for it.
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