Saturday, February 20, 2010
Fear
I have a huge fear of blogging. Not journaling, where it's password protected and only I see it, but blogging. For me, when I wrote about something related to my trauma, or to something that angered me, I got in trouble because eventually someone found it and read it. The idea of creating a blog to work my way through my trauma, and healing, is terrifying because I know people will be watching that journey. It makes me nervous, and shy. I wonder if once I start writing, I'll ever stop. Or if I'll be able to control what ends up on the page. I constantly worry about angering someone, hurting someone, concerning someone, or offending someone. But... I guess this journey is about me. and not what everyone else thinks, huh? All I know is I've gone this far, and how will I ever move forward if I let fear stop the most important journey of my life?
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I know this blogging is a very big and scary step...when I first started writing about abuse I had suffered I couldn't even write in an electronic journal with a password on it! Seems so silly to me now the panic attacks I'd have just thinking about writing down the unbidden and unforgiven acts and feelings that went with it. But, honey....once I started writing I couldn't stop until it was all out, and THAT felt great!! I am so glad to see you take that first step in a journey that I know first hand is well worth all the hard work...anxiety attacks and all!! I love you, girl, squish!
ReplyDeleteYou took a major step. That takes major courage.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, really. The support is very much appreciated.
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